Miss Intentional (Revisited)
So about this whole “being intentional” thing...
Yea, it’s not easy.
During the last two weeks I have been tested in so many areas concerning my discipline and willingness to obey. It’s like once I asked the Lord to give me discipline He immediately tested my commitment to the journey. I had to let go of everything that was comfortable to me. All of my routines shifted. One particular routine is my workout schedule.
I started waking up around 6 a.m. three days a week for a three mile run. I hate it, but I love it at the same time. I use to run all the time, but since I stopped I haven’t quite been able to find my stride again.
It’s irritating and if I hadn’t of made this commitment around three weeks ago I probably would have used that as an excuse to not do anything. However, I’m learning that it’s not always about how well I perform. What matters is my willingness to show up regardless.
In the middle of my runs, I stop at the same spot every time. It’s a huge rock on the shore of Lake Michigan that I sit and talk to God at. This spot is what gets me out of bed in the mornings. It is one of the most peaceful places ever and I devotedly sit there and pour out my heart for about 20 minutes. I pray about my future, my family, my relationships, school, and I make a point to cast all of my worries onto God in that moment.
In my mind, those 20 minutes at the rock are worth the irritation I feel when I put on my Nikes at the crack of dawn.
I’ve also been noticing that I’m a lot more emotional than usual.
Giving up enough comforts in life can actually make you feel like you’re drowning.
That’s how I’ve been feeling. Deciding to not just be mediocre in my day-to-day life and taking on everything that’s given to me with intention makes me feel like an emotional wreck.
I’m pretty sure that my body and my mind hate me right now, but too bad. I’m being intentional and even though the only results I see are my emotions flaring up at me it’s AMAZING. There's something exciting about knowing that I did it despite my feelings.
One major thing that has been on my heart recently is that when it comes to strengthening ourselves (mentally, spiritually or even physically) we have to be okay with God being the only one who sees our obedience.
One example that comes to my mind is running a marathon.
(Obviously I have running on the brain lol)
When someone is running a marathon what usually keeps them going is the cheers coming from the crowd on the sidelines. However, in life I’ve realized that my reason for “running” a.k.a. “being intentional”, a.k.a. “getting my life” should be for the cheers of only ONE. As long as God is by my side being my #1 fan it shouldn’t matter who else sees me.
The process of growth is usually hidden. It allows God to see if you’re in it for Him or if you’re in it for the praises of the people around you.
One day in particular, I woke up in the morning and was feeling super discouraged. I didn’t feel like waking up and I felt like no one understood what I was going through. Not necessarily with working out, but in other areas of my life as well. #Misunderstood
(BTW, usually people don’t understand what you’re going through in the middle of transition. God strategically makes transitions in life pretty lonely so that we can grab ahold of Him instead of those around us. )
Anyways, I didn’t feel like waking up but I did it anyways. Irritated and cranky; nevertheless, I was still obedient. (FYI, my attitude towards obedience could use some work. Pray for me!). During my workout I turned on a sermon on YouTube and before the sermon started this commercial came on.
(Start watching from 3:30. This is the longer version of the commercial, and I couldn't find the edited clip).
I was like, “Whoa, that’s weird. Of all the words they could have used it was MY word! INTENTIONAL!” I felt like it was a wink from God saying that He saw me. After the commercial, the message lined up with everything that I had been feeling! The commercial was a wink from God and the sermon blew my mind with the revelation that GOD REALLY DOES SEE ME!
(You can find the sermon on the Inspiration Page)
No matter what I may be feeling or experiencing, God sees my obedience and He see’s yours too!
I don’t know what misconceptions and lies the devil has been trying to fill your head with, but I’m here to tell you that God see’s your faithfulness. He understands your growing pains and He’s cheering for you on the sidelines.
Stop worrying about other people’s perceptions of you and start living for Him alone. Readjust your focus.
I love you and I can’t wait for your breakthrough!