I Give Up
Have you ever had a moment in life where you felt like when it rains it pours? Well that has been my life for the past couple of months. BTW: I am so tired of doing sappy post, but tis my life at the moment. Anyways, last week I had an emergency surgery that threw me so off guard. One minute I'm eating dinner and watching The Office and the next I'm in excruciating pain and calling my friend over to my apartment to ride with me to the hospital. The moment that the doctors told me that I had to have surgery I balled my eyes out in my friends arms and told them how tired I was of fighting. Why in the world did I have to be the one going through all of this? Later on my best friend told me how she wanted to respond to my comment about being tired of the fight and I thank God that she didn't say it to me in that moment. What she later told me was that it was good that I was tired. She explained to me that it is in our "giving up" that God can then take the wheel and lead us the way He really wants. My weakness is beautiful to God. I realized that I was trying to control situations and make them line up the way that I wanted them too. I never could have imagined a week ago that I would be recovering from surgery right now. This is not ideal...but honestly what is? Life can't be controlled. This process of recovering has slowed me down a bit. I'm weaker than I've ever been and my energy fades a lot quicker, but this past week has been a resounding reminder that my value is not based in how well I perform. Y'all, I can only carry up to five pounds at a time right now. How in the world am I gonna go grocery shopping or haul around the ridiculous amount of things that I usually carry on a regular basis? Who knows. I'm out of answers. It's crazy how God will give outward expressions of what He's doing inwardly. I hear you, Jesus! I'm letting go.
Until next time, I love you all and hope you're having an amazing week. I also hope you enjoyed the first installment of Letters to Sisters as much as I did! If you missed it, check it out below.