Let Go, So You Can Grow!
At the beginning of every year we start off with resolutions. Resolutions that we think will help us turn into the people we've always wanted to be. New diets, new hairstyles and new routines have already been set in order to turn us into our best selves. Well how about this for a resolution. SEEK GOD AND FIND OUT WHAT HAS BEEN CAUSING YOU TO STAY IN THE ROUTINE THAT YOU'RE IN NOW. Now I'm not saying that I'm against resolutions, but I know that they don't work when peoples mindsets stay the same. Why is it that at the beginning of every year we focus on adding things to our already dysfunctional lifestyles and think that our problems will go away. I'm challenging you to take inventory of your life and dig into those places that you promised you wouldn't uncover again. Those hidden parts of your life that you've swept under the rug and said to yourself,"It's not hurting anybody if I never mention it. Everyone has some dirt. It's no big deal." Welp! WRONG. You're hurting yourself and everything that is hidden will one day come to the light in some form.
For years I had neglected the fact that I had daddy issues. My parents got divorced when I was in high school and the pain of not having a father in the house from the age of 15 to 19 tore me apart. For years I hated my father for not being there the way I felt he should've been. I hardened my heart towards any form of love that he tried to give me because I was broken inside. And he wasn't the only man that I had seen make horrible decisions concerning family. Around the same time that my parents were going through their divorce I knew tons of my family and friends who were going through similar situations. Can you imagine the amount of harbored anger I had towards men in general? The only thing I knew was that they had hurt the women I cared about most; beautiful women who did nothing to deserve such harsh treatment. From that moment on I had a problem that I didn't even know existed.
Not until recently did I even know that some of that hurt was still there. I had long forgiven my dad about the divorce. My heart was clear and I thought that I could move on, but not quite. I had forgiven my dad, but not all men. The tree had been cut down, but the root was still there. One day during the Christmas holiday I was talking to my brother and in the middle of our conversation we had a disagreement. Before he ever got a chance to retort back, I snapped at him with the slyest of remarks. Now, half the problem was that I was so quick-mouthed and the other problem was that he had done nothing to deserve such harshness. I realized that it was a habit that I had picked up! (You now how we sometimes neutralizes our bad habits by saying "Oh! I'm so sorry. That just came from out of nowhere!" As if our mouths have minds of their own. -_- It never comes from nowhere. The bible says in Luke 6:45, "What you say flows from what is in your heart" and it is so true! I had never realized that my natural instinct was to belittle men when they did something that I didn't agree with.
First of all, I was shocked that I was still having ANY problems in this area. My first thought was, "Jesus wait! We have already talked about this and I know that this shouldn't be a problem for me anymore!" I was frustrated. I felt like I had already gone through the healing process and now I was digging back into an old issue that I thought was fine. BUT LISTEN, what we sometimes see as fine is sometimes in area that He is still not through with. Those old hurts and issues that you just want to forget about still hold the residue and stench of who you were before God made you whole. He wants you to be COMPLETELY healed.
My challenge to you is that you render those old hurts to God this new year. Start the new year off fresh. Don't pile up new tasks on top of old hurts. Finish the work that God has started in you. Be made whole in the undoing; those moment where God breaks you down and shows you all of the places that you've tried to hide from Him. This new year can be your best one yet! Trust God and know that He is able to take your broken pieces and turn them into a beautiful testament of His love for you.
I love you and so does He! Happy New Year!
Photography by Kathryn Walters